We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
