I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
