he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
