yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
