bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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