You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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