I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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