dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
