The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
