he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
