I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
