my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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