Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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