my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
