YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
