Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
