8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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