WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
