I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
