FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
