There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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