Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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