So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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