I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
