If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
