there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
