Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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