Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
