i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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