he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
