My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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