I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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