oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Randomize
