There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
