is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
