Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
