Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
