i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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