:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
