She said her name was "party"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
