Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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