Your face is a jimmy john
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
