guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
