census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
