your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
