New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
