i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
