I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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