JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
