he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
