dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
