we're chasing vodka with high fives
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
