My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
